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PLASMA CANVAS

by PLASMA CANVAS

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1.
No longer just a witness Much more than a statistic Rein in the new aesthetic Blood-stain the perfect canvas Mother said I was the son of the morning Father said I was a son of a bitch I don't think that I'm your son at all, man Just an ever-present itch In the mind of a reputation Omnipresent revolution I am the goddess of my own fate And I'm here to give it all away Are you listening? Because I've started speaking. Gonna rip off the heads of the martyrs Gonna flash all the non-believers Gonna tear apart the power structures Gonna spill my guts on strangers Gonna wave my big, black flag Tear out my heart and put it in a bag Throw it in the river, watch it get dragged To the bottom of the universe and never come back Loud movement, prying eyes My nightmare come to life I'm squirming, affirming Rebirthing, usurping Claws digging, mouth grinning Skin stretching... Free us from the confines of our flesh Choose wisely while you rot.
2.
FALSE. 03:41
This isn't what I wanted This isn't what I asked for I've been asking all these questions The answers only lead to more Can we please just go home? Because I can only kill the feeling When I'm alone... I'm always alone Should I bleed out hormones? Should I be the laughing stock of all my friends? Should I be a cheap whore? Should I be an object to covet? Every second is a chance to break away Gonna stand up and scream what I've got to say Not gonna let this be the end of me Should I be the master? Should I be the slave? Should I be the glowing savior, Or the one dying in vain? Can I just be a child? Mother, wrap me in your arms Tell me I'm loved This is not my heart These are not my eyes This is not my skin This is not my life
3.
Here's another song for all the nosy little fucks back home I do the same old shit, not like you deserve to know Ain't gonna be no movie star Just counting sins until I take one too far Here's a new verse for the preachers and the damned Can't buy heaven, we all got blood on our hands Is anybody gonna pick you up? Smile at the camera, try not to feel much Can't sit still, doing way too many drugs Can't save your life, but I can make dying fun What makes you think I give a shit about life? I keep breathing just to help the others fight. Do they know that you're a fake? Can you see it on their face? Do you want an early grave? One word and I'm on my way Do they know that you're a fucking fake?
4.
I am the voice of all of my dead friends The ones that died an early, ugly end The ones that chose the way they died, And the ones killed by the badge we trust with our lives For Leelah, Kyler and Ty Underwood Because society is out for blood For Tommy, Ronnie and the countless souls Who never got a chance to grow old Everybody get a fist in the air Raise your voice and show the world that you're there We're gonna hold our own, And we won't do what we're told We're gonna make our stand Brothers and sisters all holding hands We're gonna paint the whole city black It's time that we fight back Did you watch the evening news? What's the point? Nobody tells the truth. Do you know what you're gonna do When them legalized thugs with guns come after you? Can you hold 'em with your M-16? And fight off the new Gestapo regime? The military industrial complex, Well it says that you're next Hey, yeah, if you ain't cis and white Hey, yeah, they're coming for your life Brutality, they try to cover and hide it But I've seen the evidence, And now I've gotta fight it
5.
I hope I get shot dead for playing this song So society can learn some fucking right and wrong Because right now you don't know anything I hope I catch a bullet straight to the head So you'll remember every word I've said Because the ones who speak the loudest Well, they're all dead We're not gonna let 'em win, Are we, girls? Are we, boys? Those in between? Don't let them tell you that you can't be angry You've got the right to be. I hope they murder me for existing Because my parts ain't up for discussion And I don't owe you no explanation I hope they stab me to death and call me a fag Just as long as they know I ain't a dude in drag Because I'd rather you just kill me for who I am I hope they kill me in a nice community It's the perfect opportunity To spill my blood on high society I hope they slit my throat on capitol hill So you can make a stupid law and call it "Jamie's Bill" Who's it gonna help if we're dying still?
6.
“SERENADE US!” “Won’t you play a little something for us?” “Show me something that you’ve been working on!” “Wow, you’ve got so much talent! Ain’t no doubt about it!” “When you make a CD I better get a free one!” I wish that I could tell you How it feels to be alive I can’t begin to help you If you won’t open your eyes But if you want an experience, I’ll take you for a ride I’ll give you nightmares in your wet dreams While we’re falling into the sky. Everyone wants a product A little piece of me Something to show their family From the show they got to see I’m beautiful and sellable Put my face on a magazine But don’t dare ask how I’m doing God forbid I show any humanity You question all my methods While I give you what you want You wonder as I struggle If I’ll ever be enough Because you are just a voyeur To you I’m just a slut But tell me something babe, Does your insecurity match your studs? Go take a bunch of acid Go live a fucked up life Go try to take a piss What's it take for you to die? Go live it for yourself Go write your own damned songs Because all this has ever been Is just me having a little fun. Show me all the songs, All the songs you want to play While you’re pounding on the strings of my heart Show me all the ways, All the ways you want to die I could kiss you once and tear your world apart.
7.
You make it painful not to fall for you Even though I know it's against all the rules You don't see how lovable that you are But I've always known because I did from the start I was just living my life and then you happened to me And when my eyes caught you, There was nothing else I could see And I know you didn't mean to take it, But my heart's in your hands So if it's all the same tonight, you got any plans? I want to take you out and make you laugh And I want to heal all the scars living deep in your past I want to show you what you look like to me Something so perfect that I wish you could see. Sometimes we fall too soon and call it a mistake But I know just how it feels when you say my name And I refuse to admit that I'm wrong For being moved so much that my heart sang a song So I was thinking we could do something Me and you and maybe some of our friends We could smoke and laugh and dream all night And just pretend Do you want to stay with me tonight? We can hang with all of the streetlights We can go anywhere you want Or just stay in and hide Just look at me with those eyes one more time. Oh, there are so many rules for how it's supposed to be But what do they have to do with you and me? I'm just a dumb little girl who developed a crush, "Silly little thing, don't you dare fall in love." "Well I'm a punk, so babe, I'll do what I want." But it gets so fucking hard when all I want is your love You came and crumbled all these walls around me And made the prettiest mess I think that I've ever seen. So I was thinking we could do something Me and you and maybe some of our friends We could smoke and laugh and dream all night And just pretend Do you want to stay with me tonight? We can hang with all of the streetlights We can go anywhere you want Or just stay in and hide Just look at me with those eyes one more time.
8.
Hey there, little gorgeous Would you kill us, pretty please? I'd hate for you to wake and realize you're incomplete The way it resonates into the places you hate Inside yourself is what has brought you to life The jars of pills and dollar bills have got you chasing cheaper thrills Like pistols in the mirror every night Exposing all your weaknesses, Walking cliche, vapid mess Reigning queen of all the pretty lies Who are you? What are you on? What can you find? What can you find for me? Hey, to my dismay, I'm bored to death and I don't see it going away. My dreams are little paperweights They hold me to my current state I float on life support in comfy haze I'm sick to death of compromise, Become a hack that I despise Complete with cheesy lines to boost the hype Quick, help me find an agent I'll sell my soul and strike it rich Tell me all the shallow things to say to get it over with "Don't tell them how you feel." "Don't tell them who you are." "Don't tell them anything, But what they'd profit from your art."
9.
Jamie is awake now, so Jamie is afraid Jamie is a good girl, but doesn't make good grades Jamie is a sweet thing, but she's hard to love And Jamie is a burden To whoever grants wishes from the stars above She smiles her lips to life As she falls apart inside Her friends' kind eyes so proud As inside she falls to the ground But smiles on the way down Saint or a sinner, depending who you ask But life gets hard when you leave a piece Of yourself back in the past She feels at fault for all things, Even when she's done no wrong And she'll internalize the universe Until it comes out in a song She smiles her lips to life As she falls apart inside Her friends' kind eyes so proud As inside she falls to the ground But now she smiles on the way down You can never change what made you, you today And don't you fear those memories Because they taught you how to sing... And bleed... And fight... And die trying to Smile your lips to life As you fall apart inside Your friends' kind eyes so proud As you lift yourself from the ground, Smile when you look down.
10.
I wish that I could stop it And take it all back I'd give anything to see them again To feel the warmth of their conversations To feel security To never have to worry To know that they were there and never leaving Just five more minutes with no second guessing Another small moment where it doesn't exist Where we don't need names, just the company we're in It's a specific kind of hurt we find ourselves in Me, myself, I and all of my sins We want to write you off Like we're just cutting the fat But the truth is every breath, I feel that knife in my back. The empty where I find myself isn't empty It's full of words I wish I said When I was lost in the aether the first ten times Now I've said too much Written too many songs Never stopped to deal With how abandoned I feel Isolate myself so that I can't be hurt Second guess every one of your words Fall into a moment with a smile I can trust For five seconds, say my name's good enough I'd do anything to feel like a person Dreams should be an escape, and not a prison. Mother, when you lie down, Can you still see the knife? When he says he loves you, Can you still see the knife? When you say you miss me, Can you still see the knife? When you deny any guilt, Can you still see the knife? I CAN STILL SEE THE KNIFE No 426 Brown Street in front of me Because when I think of you, The knife is all that I see.
11.
Well I guess by the time the weekend comes I'll know if I'm with anything Because I'm basing how I feel on how I look On no more or less than what you think All I want is to feel safe And spend some time with someone Who shines the same shade of insane Well I guess by the time the morning comes You'll know if I'm worth anything See, I've done my best to grow and change But I've lost the fight along the way Watching all my friends grow up And slowly poisoning myself While they're having kids and falling in love We were all just children Living in opposite ways of the things that we'd say When we got to this age on an internet page The camera eats you alive We thought it would settle itself, With our souls on the shelves And we wouldn't be held to the stories we tell We sold our rebellion, now we're fat and old Well I guess by the time that my time comes I'll know if I'm worth anything All the lies I told to keep my self good and stoned I hope you forgive most of them someday This is starting to feel like goodbye So write on my headstone, "The Girl Who Wouldn't Live A Lie." Well I guess by the time the weekend comes I'll know if I'm worth anything We'll trade awkward stares, Stutter through stories we'll share And I might send you a desperate wink Because I ain't here to pretend We all want to be loved in the end.
12.
Are you tired of this shit? Can you take no more of it? Do you feel like you'd be better off on your own? I know walking away is hard But it's the only way you'll get far Baby girl, sometimes you gotta walk all alone. One, two, FUCK YOU! I'm gonna lose a lot of friends But this facade has gotta end I can't stand to live my life dishonestly Loyalty is back in style In your shoes, I'd walk a mile I don't need no one to live my life for me Are you tired of this shit? Can you take no more of it? Do you feel like you'd be better off on your own? I know walking away is hard But it's the only way you'll get far Baby girl, sometimes you gotta walk all alone. I've been sitting idly by, Watching you live out a lie Kept my mouth shut while you made all of the plans But I got sick to my stomach when I heard you speak for me That kind of shit ain't what my dad would call "being a man".
13.
Escape Scene 06:57
The time is ripe, I'll travel light So nobody gets hurt I can't stay now, the road has called One last time, goodbye. I'm gone, don't write to me, I can't write back, it only hurts Smash all my possessions that nobody will take They'll be no use to you I know that you're mad, but I don't know who at This is the third girl I've been this year I lie to myself as much as I lie to you This is my chance to set the record straight Wave goodbye to this circle town again You knew that I would, This time I swear it's for good again The town that made me is the same one that erased me But I won't shed a tear this time This is my escape scene We're all liars. And I'll treat you just the same You can't fool me with your plastic smile Because we play the same games, you see We sell our integrity Because something's gotta pay the bills We get so bored being each other's whores So we fill ourselves with poison to feel Play the game to buy back my name again You knew that I would, This time I swear it's for good again The town that made me is the same one that replaced me But I won't shed a tear this time This is my escape scene What have I become? What happens if I don't run? Will you right behind me? And love me enough to tell me not to leave? I'm sick of running I'm sick of lying I'm coming home Because that circle town Is the only truth That I've ever known, So I'm coming home.
14.
Same as the original version, ya nerd.

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PLASMA CANVAS is the self-titled first album from Plasma Canvas, a rock duo from Fort Collins, Colorado.

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released October 14, 2016

Written by Jamie Axton and David Sites. Recorded at Stout Studios in Fort Collins, CO. Mixed and mastered by Jace McLain.

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PLASMA CANVAS Fort Collins, Colorado

Preorder "DUSK", out 2/17/23 on SideOneDummy Records

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