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DUSK

by PLASMA CANVAS

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1.
Hymn 02:35
I just heard the news today that life’s the first part of the grave It’s a cold day in Texas and the skies are all cloudy all day There are memories that we never made There are debts that I never repaid But all I can do is to try to remember the last time that I saw your face I feel like I’m inside a dream, alone with your memory It’s a dark day without you, but I know that you’re finally free No one will ever hurt you again No one will ever hold you again We had so many stories… now they’re gonna die with me As the snow falls in Midland, all your sins are forgiven Goodbye, my sweetest friend I’ll see you in the end
2.
It’s a blistered world, but I won’t let it kill me I’m as tough as nails and delicate as Barbies I swear to anybody listening, this ain’t the end The fates are calling, but I ain’t coming in I’ll give you something you can hold onto And I’ll be right here, present, handing it to you I’ve started over once again I’ve got some promises that I’ve gotta mend It doesn’t fucking matter if it’s the hundredth time This isn’t linear, and there’s no finish line I’ll give you something you can hold onto And I’ll be right here, present, handing it to you I better change into someone worthwhile to save Or I might dance myself right into my grave I might drag us both down into my grave
3.
I gotta be stoned all of the time I gotta be drunk all of the time I got nothing left to hide Gotta be fucked up all of the time Spend my days faded as fuck I don’t think I’m cool, I just think I suck I know my friends look up to me, but I ain’t the role model that I should be I just kill myself when I get bored, disappoint all the people that I adore And every time I give myself a break, I just find something else in me to hate, so I I gotta be stoned all of the time I gotta be drunk all of the time I got nothing left to hide Gotta be fucked up all of the time How cliché to write about clichés while I stumble through life in a sleepy haze Couldn’t bring myself to try the harder stuff ‘Cause my good enough is good enough ‘Cause all I’ve ever aspired to is somewhere to go and someone to do I owe it to you to be yours forever I’ll do anything to get there, except get better, 'cause I gotta be stoned all of the time I gotta be drunk all of the time I got nothing left to hide Gotta stay fucked up! My head is heavy with suicide My heart is soaring with love May the worst of us win We end where we begin: trembling and alone.
4.
Opaque and plain, nothing ever changes Same stays the same, poverty wages No room for you and I No time to see what somewhere else is like HEARD IT ALL BEFORE Repeating agony I’ve seen it all and nothing ever falls into its place WHAT’S ALL THIS FOR? Syphoning empathy You’ll see me smile when I finally start to feel something Coming in waves, fighting the stages You keep the faith, I’ll light the way back home And no one is coming to save us, So I guess we’ll have to fight ourselves, ourselves HEARD IT ALL BEFORE I’ve lost the faith I’ve got iron will And I’m full of shit Tutti fruity, fancy free and so goddamn negative HEARD IT ALL BEFORE Repeating agony I’ve seen it all and nothing ever falls into its place WHAT’S ALL THIS FOR? Syphoning empathy You’ll see me smile when I finally start to feel something
5.
For sale: tiny Converse, never worn Dirty feeling, sterile doctors, endless scorn The crowd triangulates while we dissociate Part of my light goes out with you Because you are a part of me My dream and nightmare’s coming true I’m not what you need now, So I’ll see you, somehow, in another life They carry you, we bury you Hold you like a grudge The hardest part: I know inside my heart it’s not even your fault What would our parents say? Should they have done the same? Part of my light goes out with you Because you are a part of me My dream and nightmare’s coming true I’m not what you need now, So I’ll see you, somehow, in another life If you’ve never lived it, then you can save your judgment If you've never fucking lived it, then you can save your fucking judgment Save your fucking judgment Part of my heart dies with you Because you are a part of me My dream and nightmare’s coming true I’m not what you need now So I’ll see you, somehow, on the other side
6.
Jewelry Box 05:00
“What’s your name?” Is such a loaded question when the name you read just ain’t a part of you All the parts of me are in a constant motion I keep shaking it off so I don’t have to look at the truth The evil parts of us are who we are when the blinding lights fade Everybody that you meet has something dark to hide A scab on a wound that won’t ever stop bleeding I’m a virus unto this earth and I will bleed it dry You say you’re damaged goods, and I’m defective too I’m an empty jewelry box and I’m spoiled fruit If you let me in, I know I’ll fucking crush you I’m not the kind of void you wanna fall into I’m lost inside my own manipulation All at once I am the veil and the air behind Don’t pull me out of my sweet intoxication The weakest parts of me beg to abide This half-life is such a strange beauty It’s not the same out there as It is inside Inner voice echoes into the hollow But on the outside, nothing dares to dull my shine You say you’re damaged goods, and I’m defective too I’m an empty jewelry box and I’m spoiled fruit If I let you in, I know I’ll fucking crush you I’m not the kind of void you wanna fall into I wanna claw my heart out of my body I wanna kill this part of me that I despise I wanna lay my soul bare, dead and defeated I wanna scream these words ’til the light drains from my eyes: I’m not afraid to die I’m afraid to survive I’m damaged goods
7.
Eye 05:04
I remember the stain The dirty tint to everything in our house I remember the cold Felt like I might never be dry again And I think I can still feel the stench On my clothes, in my eyes, everything that was mine And I think I’m becoming tired Like I was, leaving home in the middle of the night I’m in a new place I want my things, I want my space I don’t like it More scared than I’ve ever been, dirty water on my skin I wanna go home Where is my home? All I do is dig for a way that this fits into it’s plan All I feel is cheated One day I’ll kill the God that took my home One day I’ll look into its eye I will take everything that it needs to survive It’s worth becoming evil If this is benevolence, then I’ll have none of it I’m in a new place I want my things, I want my space I don’t like it More scared than I’ve ever been, dirty water on my skin I wanna go home Where is my home? There is water in my dreams, infecting everything with its trauma Should have been someone else Will I really go to hell? Will I, mama? Can’t kill it with my doubt, caught inside its snarling mouth Untold horror Bones cracking in its teeth I have seen the face of God and made it weep Home is togetherness Everything we lost… All that we still have We can still heal We can still heal We can move past it I can heal I can heal I can heal
8.
Soft 06:30
Breathe slow Don’t let it take you over Soft, sweet, safe love Soft, sweet, safe love Feel it Don’t keep it inside always Soft, sweet, safe love Soft, sweet, safe love I’ll hold you here Protect you here Understood Loved Shelter you here Protect you here Understood Loved Naked and beautiful The mask is heavy Soft, sweet, safe love
9.
Need 06:18
Coming out of stormy weather But we know better You see her and you want to hold her You’ve waited forever And we’ve all learned to use restraint To save what we can save And you’ll do anything to kiss her Give me what I need Show me what I need I’ll never take for granted the touch of my lover again Just please give me what I need You held out for something better Turned into never Don’t go now - you’ll catch her fever and you’ll have to leave her And we’ve all learned to take our space Forgotten all our names Our friends just memories It’s all different and I need someone to die with Give me what I need Show me what I need I’ll never take for granted the touch of my lover again Just please give me what I need And we’ve all learned to look away Absolved ourselves from blame And you’ll do anything to hold her, to love her Give me what I need Show me what I need I’ll never take you for granted Just please give me what I need
10.
I catch myself letting go all the time Did it ever really happen? Were those moments I cried over all just dreams? An October evening, the leaves wet on the cold ground Not as inviting as the summer that came before When all the leaves go dead, what do you do? When you’re another year older, From a burn to a smolder What else can you do? When the time came long ago to let go of you… What else can I do? I’m a drop of water on her gentle leaves Rolling off her comforts into the darkest space in me I hope you haunt me Will you stay and taunt me? I catch myself giving into them bitter worlds inside I still long for what could have stayed and fucked up my whole life An early departure Hard to believe it’s any better When the years come rolling in, what do you do? When the wounds ain’t healed, just covered in dust, Will hope be enough to carry you? When the sun lights up the balance of what we put each other through… What else can I do? I’m a drop of water on her gentle leaves Rolling off her comforts into the darkest space in me I hope you haunt me Will you stay and taunt me? Don’t say the words that feel good in the moment Don’t spill your soul to every pretty face you meet You can’t fix yourself with another empty promise You can’t make these same mistakes year after week You’ll sow, then you’ll reap You’ll sow, then you’ll reap I’m a drop of water on her gentle leaves
11.
DUSK 08:28
I’ve been waiting… I’ve been waiting here for you Waiting here all my life, for the moment to arrive Caught inside the in-betwen, like a lover inside a dream Hold me here where no one can see Close your eyes Softly drift inside You and I are all alone tonight Light from your eyes fades into the night Still and patiently, I wait for your remedy Counting my breaths into sleep Soon the morning sun will rise, But seconds are hours tonight You’re mine until I rise, but I’m yours ’til I… Close your eyes Softly drift inside You and I are all alone tonight I’m imploding while you’re holding me I’m waiting… I’m ready… I’m waiting… I’m ready… Close your eyes Softly drift inside You and I are all alone tonight Light from your eyes fades into the night I’ve been waiting here, my love… Waiting inside a lie… The coldest, darkest night.
12.
Empyrean 03:39

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released February 17, 2023

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PLASMA CANVAS Fort Collins, Colorado

Preorder "DUSK", out 2/17/23 on SideOneDummy Records

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